Resolving Conflict between Couples Using Healthy Communication Strategies
The importance of continuously nurturing harmony in relationships cannot be overstated. Communication is the foundation upon which empathy, connection, and mutual understanding are grown. Even for long-term couple’s it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking our partner should know what we’re thinking and feeling. We have lived together for x- amount of years, so they know you by now, right? This thinking is an example of unhealthy communication that creates conflict. All is not lost however if the couple employs healthy conflict resolution into their relationships. Conflict resolution is a critical component of maintaining that foundation. Without healthy communication, conflict resolution cannot exist.
While every couple is unique and brings specific needs and dynamics to the relationship, there are some tried-and-true communication and conflict resolution strategies that are effective in just about every situation, no matter the dynamics at hand. Understanding the perspectives of each person in a relationship without judgment or interruption is key, but it’s only the beginning.
Critical Aspects of Healthy Communication
Active Listening
Healthy communication between anyone, especially among couples, thrives with active listening. It’s indispensable in fostering mutual understanding but traditionally undervalued. When one person is speaking, the other must make every effort to be fully present and offer their undivided attention to the conversation. Put distractions like phones and TVs away. This helps promote an environment to ensure attention isn’t deviated elsewhere. Alternatively, playing a game or cooking can keep your hands busy if you or your partner tend to be fidgeting. Work with your partner to see what is best for you both.
Reciprocating Empathy
Developing empathy for each partner is critical; each person in a relationship should strive to understand the other person’s perspective without interruption or judgment. Maybe you’ve heard the comment before that “Problems arise because we listen to respond instead of listening to understand.” This is so true! Staying quiet only to wait for your turn to retort should be avoided when practicing healthy communication and conflict resolution for couples. Rest assured this happens to the best of us, just ensure to catch yourself and apologize. Sometimes we think we know what the end of the thought would be, when that wasn’t even close to what the other person was intending. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen so we feel heard and valued.
Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is a strategy wherein individuals paraphrase and validate their partner’s feelings to deepen emotional intimacy and affirm their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. This can look like “I hear you’re feeling overwhelmed by the dishes right now. I understand you have a lot on your plate. I appreciate all the things you do, thank you for letting me know.” Couples from there can begin to problem solve now that each person not only understands the problem, but also knows the other does as well. Avoiding passive-aggressive behaviors and sarcastic comments is essential to ensure both partners become comfortable communicating their thoughts, feelings, and boundaries.
Avoiding Accusations
Another simple yet powerful communication strategy for couples is avoiding accusatory language. Using “I” instead of pointing a finger and saying “You” can significantly change the outcome of each conflict resolution session. For example, instead of saying, “You always let me down,” a partner can say, “I feel let down when this happens.” Doing so fosters an atmosphere of safety, honesty, and vulnerability that promotes mutual respect and relational growth. If you are on the receiving end of these statements, it's easy to feel defensive. Instead, take a deep breath, and work on communicating how you feel in that moment as well. A simple “I am feeling a little defensive by that statement. I understand that your intention isn’t to attack my character.” The goal isn’t to find out who is right or wrong in these moments, but to reach a point of mutual understanding.
Counseling in Columbia, MD
While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, how it is managed can drive a wedge or deepen the connection between partners. If you are ready to nurture your relationship with supportive, effective communication, with or without conflict resolution, reach out to us at Wellness Space Counseling. We specialize in couples therapy. Contact us today!
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